dulect:

when someone goes through your room and touches your stuff

croutoncat:

i’ve got like 2 friends maybe 2.5

daenerys-stormborn-queen-of-aros:

the-bored-cat:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Yooooooooooo now THIS is the kind of blonde jokes I’m about

joshpeck:

yungbara:

this is the most relatable post I have ever seen

the comedic timing, tone, and voice fluctuation of the yes is simply superb. a+ content

lukehiemings:

i remember in second grade i got a new purple sharpener and this girl who i was “friends” with asked me to have it and I was like ???? no my mom just bought this for me yesterday and she said “if you dont give me the sharpener we’re not friends anymore” and i just said “okay” and she was like “So you’re giving me the sharpener??” and i was like “why are you talking to me? we’re not friends” and i wish i was still as savage as i was back then

reallyreallyreallytrying:

“obviously, we have a lot of problems we need to address”, i say, referring to one specific problem, which i created, alone